It's like a parade of train wrecks.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We need to rekindle our bromance
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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