I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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