It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
