ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
