Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
