Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
