the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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