In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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