Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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