i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
