Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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