Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
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