Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
