We're facebook friends in real life
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
