I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
