My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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