"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
