she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
