Just cropdusted the office
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
