Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
