Already got asked if we're dating
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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