thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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