Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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