The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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