I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
