I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
