i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
