we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Mom said you looked used
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
