how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
