Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
