I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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