so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
