I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
