okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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