Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
