he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
