We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
