I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
