I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
