her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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