I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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