Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
