I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
