it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
