3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
