escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
