I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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