i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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