WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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