Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
