my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
