It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
