Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I intend to get homeless drunk
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
