I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
FUCK WHALES
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
